In a world where we are literally able to talk with the tap of a button, I’m still a ridiculously inconsistent friend. I don’t do it on purpose, I don’t do it because I don’t care, I don’t even mean to be inconsistent, I am just trying to live my life without struggling through everyday. Life has so many aspects to it, one minute it can be quiet and the next there can be 100 things you need to do, 2 phone calls, a dinner to make and still attempt to have at least 7 hours sleep a night.
I’m the kind of friend that when I care about you, I will always be there no matter what. I will try my best to be there for you, help you through your most difficult times and give whatever I can to make everything right.
I’m also the kind of friend that accidentally reads messages, starts to reply and then completely forgets to reply. I doesn’t mean that I don’t care or that you are not a priority in my life, it is just I’m trying to keep my head above water without failing at life.
It isn’t possible to be present 24/7 in a friendship, life throws so many curveballs at you everyday, and being able to juggle all of this and have a life can be incredibly difficult.
The thing is though, being an inconsistent friend doesn’t make me a bad friend.
I may not message you every single day, and I may not have the chance to even message you once a week, but if you were ever to call me at 2am and you needed me, I would always be there no matter what.
At school we are around our friends all of the time, we spend 6 hours a day, 5 days a week around each other and it was genuinely so much easier to keep those friendships alive, but when you’re an adult, you basically spend your life working, paying bills and trying to juggle multiple tasks everyday without overwhelming yourself.
As an adult though, these friendships are so much tougher.
I may not message you all of the time, I may not even get a chance to see you all of the time but if there is ever a moment when you need me, know that nothing would ever stop me.
If like me you are an inconsistent friend, know that this will never make you a bad friend. The right friends will always understand that sometimes life happens, you don’t get to speak as often as you would like and that is okay.
If friends don’t understand that you aren’t always able to be around 24/7, they aren’t the right people to have in your life.
I’m beyond lucky to have amazing friends who always understand that even though I’m not always around they can rely on me to have their back. My loyalty to my friends can never be questioned.
Are you an inconsistent friend? Do you struggle with something similar? Let me know in the comments!
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There’s definitely a difference between an inconsistent friend and a bad friend. People are going to be inconsistent at times, especially when we’re adults with a lot going on! x
Friends comes and go that is something we all know.
I usually try to respond messages but I personally don’t like to be 24/7 around them due to I also have my own personal problems or simply I just want my own space now it doesn’t make me a terrible friend. I just put some boundaries.
Great post!
Michelle| http://www.brokebutflawless.com
I’m definitely an inconsistent friend, I can be so terrible with replying to messages sometimes. Most of the time I have a backlog on Facebook and I just wait until I feel ready to reply, and then do them all at once. Life can be so difficult to juggle and manage sometimes, so I completely understand where you are coming from!
Beka | http://www.bekadaisies.com
I’m actually struggling a lot with this at the moment… I’m one of those friends who constantly messages others, with barely any response. Putting all my time, energy and money into people and I don’t really get much in return… To the point where I’m now exhausted. Now taking steps toward recovery for my anxiety I’m trying to allow others to put in the effort… So I’m now struggling to know does that make ME a bad friend for waiting? During this process I’ve have one friend check in with me, so likewise I check in with her. But am I a bad friend for possibly letting other friendships dwindle?
You’ve given me some food for thought, thanks hun!
Quinn x
I love this post so much, I am one of the most inconsistent friends but my true friends know I’d be there for them in a heartbeat when it really matters. And I think that’s the measure of true friendship 🙂 x
I needed to read this. It’s hard to remember sometimes, but as you said being the inconsistent friend doesn’t make you the bad friend! I may not be there constantly, but when you really need me I will be there in a heart beat x
It’s so hard to keep in touch sometimes. All of our friends have busy lives as well as ours and we do forget to text back and vice versa! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
It honestly is so hard to be friends and keep in contact with friends when you’re an adult! You’re right, life just gets in the way. Whether it’s work, family, partners, kids, etc. it’s so much more difficult than it was when we were kids/teen and had “nothing” to do but hang out. I have to admit that I’ve been upset when friends don’t get back to me, but I’ve grown to understand that some people are just more busy than me or are stretched more thinly than me. I know they’re my real friends when we DO get together, and it’s like no time has passed <3 As long as you're there for your friend when it really counts, you can not talk for years and you'll still be friends <3
Emily | http://www.thatweirdgirllife.com
I am that kind of friend as sometimes I have to take a mental break!
I’m exactly the same!
I’m always forgetting to reply to messages but will be there at the drop of a hat when I’m really needed.
I can go months without speaking to my friends but when do catch up it’s like no time has passed at all 😊
Love Lozza xo
http://girlygabble.com
Omg I could have written this myself. I sometimes think there is something wrong with me as to why I get such anxiety from having notifications to reply to or plans to follow through on. Important to remember it doesn’t make me a bad friend, just that I like (and need) my space.
Kathleen /www.madeinthe1990s.com
Gosh, another one I really relate to! When there’s an ever growing list of things to do, remembering to respond, especially if the first message came through at a time when you couldn’t get to it, is something I’m really bad at the moment. Growing up is hard 🙁 Great post!
I know that I am sometimes the inconsistent friend and it sucks.. I’m lucky that with my friends we always pick up where we left off!
Rosie
I have many inconsistent friends but I still love them unconditionally. I know that they are not a bad friends and life just sometimes gets in the way and I totally understand! Great pots!
Interesting post and timely. This morning on MSNBC they had a report saying how young women and teenage girls (boys too except with them it it gaming) are less social and spend a lot more time alone and don’t go out shopping, or to the movies or to eat and hangout. But they spend time by themselves on their phones and streaming Netflix not sure if this is a good thing though.
Allie of
http://www.allienyc.com
True friends do not expect to be written back within minutes. I have had friends who want immediate responses and take silence to mean someone has done something wrong, and our relationships are as strained as with the friends who constantly write back and forth. It is tiring.
Friendship is a balance and my true friends are the people I see after a week perhaps but we still hold together strong.
I feel like I was reading about myself there! Luckily all of my friends know that I’m hopeless at replying to messages and fully expect to have to wait for a reply or message again to confirm that coffee date. Like you though, I’d always be there if a friend needed me for whatever reason – just bad at keeping up with the day to day stuff. The older I get the more I realise that having low maintenance friednships that don’t need 24/7 attention is a blessing x
Sophie
This post is so perfect girl! I can relate 100% to this. Having true friendships as an adult can be incredibly hard and that is something I struggle with too. I loved the part where you said if friends can’t understand that you can’t be there 24/7, then they aren’t meant to be a real friend. That is so true!
This is such a relatable post, Amie! Thank you for sharing and reassuring us that this is totally normal in adult friendships. Like you say, it’s hard to keep in touch with everyone all of the time when life gets busy but what matters most is that we are there for our friends when they need us. Lovely post! ❤ xx
Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com
I adore how honest that you have been in this post beautiful, and I can relate so much to what you have said. Sometimes life gets in the way but thats okay! I’m sending you so much love. 💜
With love, Alisha Valerie x | http://www.alishavalerie.com
Love this! In exactly the same! I’ve lost friends because they just couldn’t understand or accept me, and I’ve come to terms with that now. True friends understand and support you. Thanks for sharing and being s honest. Great to know we’re not alone! Xx
I am absolutely this friend! Stranded somewhere at 2am? I’ll get out of bed and come save you. Need me to reply to a message? Totally useless!
I too read them, have good intentions to reply and then just forget. Life is very busy at the moment, which has made it worse but I’m lucky my closest friends know and understand.
Em xx
http://www.emsworldblog.com
I feel like I’m exactly the same. I can read a message and think about what I’m going to reply in my head, I’ll then get distracted and reply 2 days later.
Finding the time to meet with friends who aren’t friends with each other/ don’t know each other, can be so hard whilst having a full time job and everything else!
This was such an interesting read! Inconstant friends are an interesting topic friends come and go but sometimes you know which ones you need x
I find with my best friends it could be months or years between seeing them and when I do we just carry on from where we were. People move, live in different cities. I mean I left my home to go to University and then after that people went back home or went to another city or stayed. As I stayed in my university city I don’t see my old friends from when I was growing up and many of those who I studied with are in all sorts of cities now yet when we do meet each other still close friends just yeah adult life is a lot of juggling.
I think as adults we have a lot going on in day to day life. I completely related to this.
https://littlemissmelanie.com/
I’m the inconsistent friend too! But you’re so right — if my friends ever needed me at 2am I would be there in an instant. xx
I think I’m an inconsistent friend without meaning to. I tend to have times when I don’t reply for a few days but usually because of my mental health. I hardly ever text and prefer to send gifs as my reply if I tweet or DM!
I love this post! Well done!