To The Person I Used To Be

I’ve literally been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions lately, mainly because I’ve been looking back at the person that I used to be. I’ve seen so many people doing the decade challenge, seeing where you were at the start of the decade and seeing where you are now. I’ve got to be honest, if I see where I was at the start of the decade to where I am now, I am a completely different person.

I can’t even compare the person that I was to where I am right now and here is why.

Over the last decade I have been on a bloody rollercoaster, from my anxiety, to the relationships in my life. People have come into my life and left my life and even though it has absolutely sucked, it has taught me so much.

It has taught me everything from the kind of person I want to be, to the people that I want in my life.

10 years ago I was genuinely a completely different person, I feel like  I was stronger back then, and a lot more stubborn (yep I’m fully aware of how stubborn I am). I didn’t always have these big walls up around myself to protect myself, I feel like I jump onto defence so quickly, even when I’m at work when I probably shouldn’t. But it is my way of coping, and I’m trying to not jump on the defensive so much because it is just does not work.

I look back on old photos of myself, and I know exactly how I used to feel about myself, mainly because I can see it in my face, I can even remember how I used to feel.

I can see the insecurity in my face in every photo, especially with my size and I can definitely see that I didn’t feel good enough. I can see that no matter what I did, whether it was my make up, the clothes I wore, I still didn’t feel good enough or comfortable with myself.

Comparing myself to the person I was when I started the decade? I feel like even though I have been through hell over the last decade, I’m in a better place.

I have cut out the people that I don’t need in my life, people who drain the good energy out of my life, and I’ve managed to fill my life with people who are genuinely some of the greatest people in the world. Not only that, the people in my life genuinely bring me so much joy and happiness, and that is exactly what I need in my life and what everyone needs.

The person I used to be, basically wanted to be friends with everyone, she would spread herself too thin trying to do things for others when in reality she should have said no.

I’m not that person anymore and I am okay with that.

I am stronger than I used to be.

I’m learning to say no more.

To the person I used to be. Don’t let anyone walk all over you, life will get hard at times and people will let you down, but you do have the greatest people in your life who will be there no matter what. The people that walk out are not worth the time of day and you are better off without them.

Have you thought about where you are in your life? What you have been through in the last decade? Let me know in the comments!

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