I’m getting to that point in my life where I’m putting more and more pressure on myself to reach various milestones in my life, to get to where I need to be. This year, I’m 26 (I swear I was 18 the other day?) anyway, and all Paul and I get is, when are you going to have children, when are you going to do this, when are you going to do that, and the answer to our question is normally when we are ready. When people do make those comments it puts more pressure on myself.
Should I be where people want me to be right now? Have children? I mean we have a rabbit and that kind of counts as our baby at the moment. I mean right now I’m more interested in enjoying my job, spending time with my husband and getting endless cuddles from my rabbit. I mean that is my life right now.
Life is very much a balancing act at the moment. Like I said in my post the other day, I’m trying to get enough sleep, eat, run my blog, spend quality time with my family and remember to everything else that I need to live in between. I mean it is a forever kind of juggling act.
I’m not the kind of person that likes to sit down for too long if I’m honest, I would rather be doing something, talking about something, be making memories rather than sitting down too long. Sometimes I have the attention span of a teaspoon, but if I’m honest it works well for me most of the time.
My husband spoke to me on Saturday and said you’re putting so much pressure on yourself to get everything done, stay up to date, but you don’t need to. You don’t need to be everything to everyone, do everything for everyone, because in reality that is probably what is causing me to burn out by about Tuesday morning.
Sometimes you’re just you’re on worst enemy.
I don’t want to be defined by what I achieve in my life, I mean of course I eventually want to have children and hit all those amazing milestones, but I don’t want them to define me. I want to be defined by the person that I am, a good person, a good wife, someone who is kind and thinks of others, someone who is there for people when they need someone the most. That is what I want to be defined by.
Through all that though, I want to be successful, but to do that I don’t have to work myself into the ground, be so exhausted that I am struggling to function & get myself in an absolute mess. I don’t need to do that.
I guess my only thing is I don’t want to wake up with regrets, I don’t want to wake up when I’m 50 and say well I could have worked harder, I could have done more, when let’s be honest there are only so many hours in the day to get everything done.
I want to enjoy every minute of my life and not feel like I need to be pressured to reach a goal before I’m ready and not feel like I’m basically failing at being an adult when in reality I’m not.
I have to admit though when I have matching underwear I pretty much feel like I’m rocking adulthood if I’m honest. I mean it’s the pinnacle of adulthood right?
If you’re like me and the kind of person that continues to push yourself, know when you need a break, know when you need to stop and know that just because you’re taking a break doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your dreams. It just means you’re doing what is best for you. We are all in a similar boat that might capsize sometimes when the waters get rough, but we get back in and we carry on because giving up is never an option.
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Oh my gosh beautiful, this blog post really relates to me and my life so much. I’m also not someone who never wants to sit down and chill, I always feel like I need to be doing something otherwise I’m wasting my days. Thank you for being so open and honest, and sharing your view about life this way. I’m sending you all of the love 🌸💜
With love, Alisha Valerie x | http://www.alishavalerie.com
This was a lovely post to read that I relate to so much! I put so much pressure on myself sometimes and it really does just get you down and it can be hard to pull out of it! Taking a break from it all is so essential! Xx
I love this post. I’m definitely way too harsh on myself in terms of ‘I’m this age and should have achieved…’ but actually I’m starting to learn that everyone has their own timeline. Plus I think that asking someone when they’re having kids is SUPER rude.
Soph – https://sophhearts.com x
I think it’s easy to get swept up in what people, especially family and close friends, seem to expect from us. It puts pressure on us where honestly, it shouldn’t be. I don’t think people realise how what they say to someone can actually really affect them. Being asked when you are going to have kids isn’t anyone’s business but yours and your husbands. I’ve always thought that that question is so rude and intrusive. You do things at your own pace when you are good and ready, there are no rules about when is the right time etc. Thankfully I’m past the point where people ask me any questions about having kids lol I do put pressure on myself about other things though and I get so stressed. It happens before I even realise it most times. *facepalm* 😉
Sarah 🌺 || Boxnip
Thank you for this self – reflective post! I know I can def relate to it. Sucha great reminder to be aware of knowing when you need to rest! 🙂
https://trend-mixblog.com/
I think it’s really important not to put pressure on yourself or you never learn to relax xx
I think this is definitely something we can all relate to and all need to hear sometimes! The pressure to meet certain milestones or have achieved particular things and have everything figured out is crazy and it’s much more fulfilling do things at your own pace!x
I totally feel this. It’s so difficult when others are constantly questioning you on what you’re doing with your life. I know they only mean well but in reality it’s actually none of their business and they don’t realise the effect they have! I’m 22 but I definitely don’t plan on having children by 26, maybe not even by 30! I’m much like you in that I’d love to excel in my career and personal life before bringing children into it and I think that’s the best way to do it as then if you want to have children, you can nurture them in the best situation you can!
Alice Xx
Yes you are absolutely right!!! I’m way too hard on myself too. I find that if I’m gentler with myself, I get more out of myself. Your technique is really good!
I can relate to this so much. I always compare myself to others and this is really not healthy. Instead of focusing on others achievements, I try to focus on all the wonderful things I’ve done and that really helps.
Helen
Tea in the Tub
So I really felt like I was reading about myself just then, not only because I resonate with what you’ve said but I’m the same age and also have a partner called Paul! Weird. I haven’t followed milestones of society so much since I decided I didn’t want kids but I do put too much pressure on myself as I just can’t sit still and have to be working towards something all the time! Breaks are good though – I now use them as rewards for doing what I need to and thats been working well. No more burnout!
I loved reading this because I could relate to so much of what you were saying. I’m 19 but I feel like a 13 year old most days. I feel like I’m lagging behind most of my friends sometimes because I haven’t achieved or experienced a majority of the things they have. But then I remember that we all go through life at our own pace. It’s important to not compare yourself to others. Thank you so much for sharing this!
I love this. It’s so easy to get swept up with things, and pressure from all angles makes things hard. As soon as Dougie turned 2 I was constantly asked when we were having the next baby, given unsolicited advice about age gaps between kids etc, and it gets so much at times. I love just spending time with my son and I’m trying to find a balancing act between full-time work, motherhood (with only part-time childcare) and trying to take time for myself to read and blog etc, I have no room for any extra pressures.
Hels xx
I swear at the moment you’re literally writing how I’m feeling. I’m 27 this year, single, living at home because I can’t afford to move out, no social life (introvert with anxiety doesn’t help) and getting myself stressed by all these things that ultimately don’t matter in the long run just because they feel like they’re the only things that I can control which means, like you, by Tuesday I’m exhausted and the week is hard. I completely get what you mean about being defined by who you are, not who you are to other people (like a mum). Very powerful post – and I wish there was an easy solution.
I totally feel you on this post! For me, it is pressure that I self-inflict and seems to get triggered whenever I see someone who’s younger than I am being more successful. I really hope to overcome this one day! Thank you so much for writing this.
Expectations are exhausting, whether from others or yourself. There are ALWAYS some regrets in life. My goal is to make sure that I have lived my most pure, authentic life I can. Sometimes it’s important to “just be”, breathe in….breathe out and then it all falls into place as it should. Thanks so much for sharing!
Omg, I so relate! I’m 26 in June, and all I get is “when are you going to buy a house” “when are you getting married” “when are you having kids” – it’s like geez, just let me live while I’m young! 😂
Rhianna X
http://www.tsundokugirl.com
I can totally relate. This year I’ve been trying to go easier on myself and take more breaks to avoid burnout. It’s pressure I put on myself rather than elsewhere, so it’s so silly. I can definitely do better.
I’m writing this from my sofa where I plan to spend all day. I’ve learnt I have to switch off sometimes as my health will soon let me know when I’ve pushed myself too far x
I think you should not put pressure of yourself for others. The others don’t matter much. This is the time to do what you want to. Living a carefree life is important too. 🙂 Lovely post my dear.
Via | http://glossnglitters.com
Great post, and really relatable! We do need to stop putting pressure on ourselves and start appreciating ourselves more! X
Hey Amie! I can so relate to this, I’m 23 and feel that people pry questions adding to pressure. I also feel you about the situation about marriage, kids etc. I am from the U.K but now live in Nepal with my Nepali husband. Over here in your 20’s theres a stigma attached if you don’t get married by a certain age or have kids. We 20 somethings face so many different societal pressures. Just remember do things to please you not society. We only get one life. Can totally relate to this post, good job xx
Hey Amie! I can so relate to this, I’m 23 and feel that people pry questions adding to pressure. I also feel you about the situation about marriage, kids etc. I am from the U.K but now live in Nepal with my Nepali husband. Over here in your 20’s theres a stigma attached if you don’t get married by a certain age or have kids. We 20 somethings face so many different societal pressures. Just remember do things to please you not society. We only get one life. Can totally relate to this post, good job ! x
I think that asking someone when they will have children is one of the rudest questions. I hate it, and I heard it zillion times.
Just because people have children before their thirties, it doesn’t mean everyone should have children around that age. Plus, children are not on everyone’s wishlist, plus some people simply CAN’T have children…
As for other things, I think you are right, I feel like it is better work hard then have regrets later in life, even though there will always be some kind regrets every now and then. But it’s better if they’re small ones.
I totally know where you’re coming from, I’m so guilty of doing this too! I keep trying to remind myself that it’s not a game of keeping up with everyone else and you’ve got to just go with your own timeline
“I mean it is a forever kind of juggling act.” I can relate to that statement. I’m still having a hard time trying to achieve a good work-life balance. It’s good to work on our goals, but sometimes things are just too much to handle. We need to take a break and not feel guilty about it. You’re not slacking, you’re re-charging!
I’m turning 26 this year too and thought of that is scaring me! Putting pressure on myself is one of my biggest downfalls and I need to stop doing that! This is such a great, reflective post lovely! xx
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
Ha, girl my underwear never matches 😂 Totally agree with you that life just seems to be a massive juggling act and I think pretty much everyone struggles at times. I’m 35 with no kids (no fella either!) and the amount of times I’ve been asked about having kids and told that “my time is running out” infuriates me. My only advice would be for you to do you and don’t do anything just to please others – but I reckon you know this already!
http://www.missblogsabit.com
Great post. I loved the line “I don’t want to be defined by what I achieve in life”. I agree, as a Woman in their 20’s, you’re ALWAYS under pressure and constantly questioned about when you’re doing x, y or z. Life isn’t a race or a competition!
Jenny in Neverland
I totally get this. I do it too and jack noticed and mentioned it. Fur babies are the best!
http://littlemissmelanie.com
I felt the same about this recently with not being married at my age, and being with my bf for 8 years, but all in good time. And we just got engaged!
It’s so easy to put pressure on yourself and hard not to but sometimes you need to take a step back xx
it is so easy to put pressure on yourself – i am the worst for it! Well done you for being so brave to share this!
Rosie
honestly hun I think we all have moments like these but as long as you’re proud of yourself that’s all that matters. Milestones don’t have time limits