My Letter To My Nan

Yesterday

Yesterday (28th July) marked 13 years since I lost my Nan and my best friend in the world. It is one of the most painful days of the year for me, I know it is just one day, but it literally is the day where my life crumbled. My Nan was one of the most incredible people I ever met, she had a heart of gold, she would be there for anyone, she would give you the greatest cuddles and above all for someone who was tiny she was scary. Scary in a good way, she stood up for herself, she stood up for the people she loved and she never gave up without a fight.

I decided that it would help me if I wrote a letter to her on my blog, to get all of those feelings and emotions out and in the open.

My nan

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This is my Nan & Grandad.

She was an absolutely incredible person, she is one of the strongest people that I met, she had Bells Palsy which basically means that the side of her mouth had a muscle weakness which could sometimes make it awkward to open and close her mouth, not only that she battled with lung cancer which ultimately was what she died of.

She died when I was 8, just before my 9th birthday (my birthday is on the 25th August) my parents thought that it was best to not go to the funeral, and to this day I am still unsure whether that was a good idea or not, but she was my hero, my inspiration & my motivation to be the best person I can be.

growing up

I don’t have many memories of my childhood, that has a lot to do with what I went through, if you have read my blog before you will know what I went through as a child, but the ones that I do have, they involve my Nan, going to the beach, playing in the garden, her pushing me on my swing, cuddling me when I was ill, telling me it was all going to be okay, she was the most incredible woman and someone I won’t forget.

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my message to her

To my favourite person, the woman who has made me the person that I am, the one who I appreciate for being one of the biggest influences in my life,

I am so sorry that I never got to say a proper goodbye to you, I’m sorry that you never got the chance to hear about my trip and see all of the memories that I made to show you.

You were one of the strongest people I ever knew, I know you were in so much pain when you were slowly dying, the doctors burnt the back of your throat, and you couldn’t swallow without it being agonisingly painful, but I know that even though I had to make sure that you had your shake to make sure that you had the nutrition you needed.

There is nothing that I would have loved more than to have you at my wedding, I know you would have given Paul the 3rd degree before he married me because you were always so protective, and I know you would have been sitting in the front row telling people to be quiet, or making sure everything was perfect, making sure I was okay, and drying my happy tears on the best day of my life.

I love you more and more every day, and I just want you to know that I’m proud to be your granddaughter and I know I will see you again one day.

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Love always, your little fairy.


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9 Comments

  1. 29/07/2015 / 5:37 pm

    A wonderful tribute 🙂

  2. 29/07/2015 / 6:21 pm

    *hugs* I can’t believe how much you look like your Nan. I love the pictures and the message is beautiful.
    I lived with my grandparents all my life and lost them both within 6 months of each other 6 years ago and my heart is still broken. It’s such a difficult thing. Here if you ever fancy a chat xxx

    Sarah | sarahinwonderland.co.uk <3

    • facebook-profile-picture 29/07/2015 / 9:03 pm

      Thank you s much, I definitely take that as a compliment! When people have such an impact upon you, it is difficult to move forward because because the love you for them continues to grow. Thank you so much Sara, the same always goes for you my darling <3

  3. 29/07/2015 / 6:29 pm

    This is such a beautiful tribute to your Nan. I’m so sorry your family had to lose her, and to cancer… such a terrible thing. My little brother died when I was this same age and there were things I regretted, like not having my picture taken holding him before he died (he died as an infant) – But I’ve made peace with it. Your presence at her funeral was felt, I’m sure. And this post, this beautiful tribute attests to your care for her at all times in your life.

    I’m so glad we met at #ltbloggers today… I wasn’t expecting such a beautiful, love-filled post. While it made me sad to hear of your grief, I am leaving inspired by your words.

    • facebook-profile-picture 29/07/2015 / 9:05 pm

      I am so sorry for your loss too, I am sure your little brother wouldn’t have wanted you to have regrets, he knew you loved him, cared about him, adored him and would always be there for him, and he is very lucky to have a sister like you. Thank you so much, I try to focus on the fact that I haven’t lost her, I will see her again, it’s just see you soon. It makes me feel a little better at night. If you need to chat I am always here for you <3

  4. 29/07/2015 / 7:59 pm

    Hugs Amie. She sounds like an amazing woman. xx

  5. 04/03/2016 / 3:42 pm

    Aww that’s a lovely tribute. I’m sure your Nan would be proud of who you are & what you have achieved. My Nan is my world & I don’t know how I’ll cope when the inevitable happens.

    • facebook-profile-picture
      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      06/03/2016 / 10:53 am

      Thank you so much my darling, it means the world to me. Honestly, it isn’t something that you can prepare for, it is something that is so difficult but enjoy every moment with them, because it is so worth it!💜

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