My Weight Loss Journey & My Thought Process Struggles

Recently my emotions have taken a turn for the worst, I’ve had some ridiculously low self confidence, I have been hating my body, and I feel like everyone is judging me for everything that I do. I have been having a lot of these moments recently and it has been emotionally draining, so I’ve decided to document these difficulties, what has been going through my head, but also if you are struggling with the same thing, that there’s support out there for you and you don’t have to go through this alone.

why i have low self esteem

As most people will know, I’ve been on a weight loss journey, a journey that has taken me a long time, but also one that I have struggled to come to terms with. I think the reason this happened was because I hadn’t actually noticed myself getting bigger, I know you’re probably thinking how could you never have known? Well I think at first I dismissed it like it was nothing, you know where you wash clothes and they start to shrink, but one of the huge factors as to why I was putting on the weight had a lot to do with my tablets. I know that might sound like an excuse but honestly it isn’t, I would go through days where all I would eat was an ice lolly and then I would have days where I would practically eating everything is sight, lord knows I’ve had moments where all I could eat was a Chinese (this was before I went vegan) or other very unhealthy food.

Why i started my weight loss journey

At first I started looking and photos that had been taken of me being out with my family and my husband and when I looked at the pictures, I didn’t recognise the person staring back at me.

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These were the 2 photos that changed my life, these 2 photos made me disgusted, disgusted that I had abused my body in this way, disgusted because I didn’t realise what I was doing and I was just getting bigger and bigger and if I hadn’t woken up and realised what I was doing, I guess I would have just continued the way that I was going. Please don’t ask me what is going on with my eyebrows, they are terrible.

HOW I STARTED

I first started with clearing up my eating habits, I used to eat lots of the wrong foods, and when it came to chocolate I was addicted to it, I’d have one of those Lindt Easter bunnies, a day, literally a day. It was like my treat, and yet I would still go about eating them even though I didn’t want them. I didn’t appreciate what I was eating, yet I knew exactly what I was doing, but nothing changed.

I decided that it was time to say goodbye to all of the chocolate every day, and I also reminded myself that now is the time to start loving myself, loving my body, accepting myself for who I was, but also treating my body like a best friend, would I have done this to my best friend, would I let my friend eat their life away. It was me time now.

WHat went through my head

When I started all that was going through my head was:

  • I’m ugly
  • I’m worthless
  • I hate myself
  • I am lost
  • I am scared
  • I’m never going to be good enough
  • I can’t ever change

Why was this going through my head? Because I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw this person looking back at me that I didn’t recognise, all I wanted was a time machine which would send me back to the person I was when I left school, I was happy and content.

WHat should have been going through my mind

  • I’m beautiful
  • I am worth it
  • I am going to learn to love myself
  • I will find myself
  • I will get through this and be courageous
  • I’m more than good enough
  • I can change

How far have I come

Well as you can see from my before pictures, I’ve come a long way, I no longer have the worst sense of style, but also everyone is noticing how much weight I’ve lost tumblr_np809p7ZqR1ts7vmko1_500

I still have a long way to go, but I’m on a fabulous stepping stone to being healthy, happy, loving myself, my own happiness, but I’m feeling fabulous.

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27 Comments

  1. 17/06/2015 / 8:13 pm

    Thanks for sharing your journey with us, I’m sure that it’s going to help many people and you should feel fabulous because you look fabulous!! Wow 🙂

    • facebook-profile-picture 18/06/2015 / 1:48 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart it honestly means the world! <3

  2. 17/06/2015 / 9:57 pm

    I’m happy that you’ve found everything you needed to know about yourself. You’re a strong person, Amie! it’s great that you’ve found what’s healthy for you and that you are on the right way!
    You made great progress and i’m sure you can reach all your goals! You’re a great person. – don’t you ever forget this.

    • facebook-profile-picture 18/06/2015 / 1:49 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart, I saw your message and cried! I have so much love for you darling! <3

  3. 05/08/2015 / 3:09 pm

    This is the first time I have come across your blog and I have to say you are truly inspirational. What you are doing is amazing (and you look fantastic!) and the fact you are sharing it with so many other people who may be going through a similar thing is incredible. You should be so proud!

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      05/08/2015 / 3:19 pm

      Hello Shula darling,
      Thank you so much for such a beautiful comment it honestly means so much. It isn’t easy but it is definitely worth it and I am now feeling the difference. Since I posted this I have lost another dress size so it makes it all worth it! Thank you so much beautiful! <3

  4. 05/09/2015 / 10:35 pm

    You are an inspiration! And you were and still are gorgeous <3 You've come such a long way but it's so important to love yourself through each step of this long journey. You look fabulous doll, I mean that.

    Muchlove<3 xo

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      05/09/2015 / 11:17 pm

      Thank you so much Natasah you made me cry (happy tears) I have to admit it’s been difficult, but I’ve learned so much about myself that it makes everything worth it! We should definitely talk more, I literally love your blog and your Instagram is absolutely incredible as are you! You’re an angel <3

  5. 30/09/2015 / 5:12 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. I remember a very similar moment in my own life, looking at graduate photos and wondering when/how I gained so much weight. It is definitely possible to not see it happening! This post spoke so much truth for me and I’m sure so many people, thank you again for sharing your story.

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      30/09/2015 / 5:41 pm

      Thank you so much Becca! It means a lot! I know personally I never even realised, it seemed to pile on so quickly by looking at pictures, but with my body I different even see. I am just so glad I have made the step to changing my eating habits and being happy and healthy! <3

  6. Mia Hanssen
    10/01/2016 / 12:54 pm

    Wow you’ve come so far! Thanks a lot for sharing! I remember when I gained weight I didn’t even notice it. I went from exercising 20 hours a week (high school jock) to start at uni and gaining the college 15 and even more. I didn’t realize it before I saw a picture of myself from a family birthday party. From my experience, the most important thing is to remember how far you’ve come. You’re amazing just as you are <3

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      10/01/2016 / 6:44 pm

      Thank you so much Mia, it means a lot! I completely agree, I think sometimes you honestly do not realise, I realised when I saw a picture of myself and I honestly didn’t recognise the person I was looking at in the photo, that is when I knew something had to change. I’m so happy that I did change my life for the better because I don’t know where I would be now! Congratulations on your journey too!?

  7. 10/01/2016 / 7:45 pm

    This post is everything. Congratulations to you for working to where you want to be. I’m at the beginning of my weight loss journey, and I’m still at the stage where loving myself is something I can never imagine. This post is so beautiful because its true, there is no fad diet you just have to be healthy, and no one can tell you to do it, it has to come from within. I’ve literally got so much weight to lose that it is so intimidating, but it can be done! Thank you so much for writing this, for someone like me who sometimes really needs to see that i’m not alone!

    Well done again!

    Ellie xxx

    http://eleanortalkstoomuch.blogspot.co.uk/

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      11/01/2016 / 4:39 pm

      Thank you so so much Eleanor, it honestly means the world! I completely understand that intimidation, I was so intimidated by everything that I didn’t even want to try, but when I found a workout that I fell in love with, it became a habit and I enjoyed it. Honestly I’ve still got a lot to lose, I’m not going to lie, but if there is anything I can do to support you through this, please do let me know. I know you can do this, just take it one day, one meal at a time, break your goal down.?

  8. 18/04/2016 / 6:10 pm

    I can totally relate to this. I struggled with self esteem during my childhood and through high school as I kept going up in size. I decided to love myself enough to make a change and it changed my life for the better and I dropped about 70lbs. Congratulations on your journey and always remember that the girl in the old photo is the one who got the ball rolling on a healthy journey! You’ve accomplished much. Thanks for sharing!

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      19/04/2016 / 8:42 am

      Well done darling! You should be so proud of yourself darling and especially with how far you have come because that is absolutely fantastic!?

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      30/04/2016 / 7:47 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart it honestly means a lot!?

  9. 01/05/2016 / 10:49 am

    You look amazing Annie, well done you for getting healthy and happy it takes a lot of guts, determination and courage especially to write about it on the Internet! I’m currently losing weight and I know how difficult it can be. I totally relate to your comments about putting on weight and not noticing / or dismissing it. I did this at uni I put on so much weight I was miserable! I’m now a vegetarian / cut out milk / cheese and eggs and I feel SO much better for it – I think the next step is going on a vegan diet for me! I chuckled a little about the eyebrows only because I had very similar eyebrows when I was younger, maybe that was the trend back then haha! Thanks so much for sharing this inspiring post Amie! Lots of love Imogen // http://www.miniaturemilk.wordpress.com

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      01/05/2016 / 12:04 pm

      You’re way too kind, thank you so much darling! I have to admit, I found a vegan diet, so beneficial for me, I feel so much healthier and not only that my body & mind feels better for the animals. If there is anything I can do to help or support you, please do let me know!?

  10. 11/05/2016 / 5:40 pm

    Wow this is incredible, you have come really far! Thank you for sharing this weight-loss journey, this post is really motivating and inspiring! Eating clean is definitely important, I have recently started to cut down on dairy (and I’m vegetarian anyway) and I’ve really noticed the difference. I don’t struggle with weighing too much but body image has always been a difficult topic for me and your post has really helped. xx

    113-things-to-say.blogspot.com

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      14/05/2016 / 6:05 pm

      Thank you so much my lovely, it honestly means a lot! You really do notice the difference in your body, it is crazy how much of a difference there is!?

    • facebook-profile-picture
      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      14/05/2016 / 6:06 pm

      Thank you so much my lovely, it honestly means a lot! You really do notice the difference in your body, it is crazy how much of a difference there is!?

  11. Ohlucy
    27/05/2016 / 9:59 am

    Oh wow! Look how far you’ve come! Well done you!!

    And yes, you are definitely beautiful and definitely worth the world!

    Lucy xx

    • facebook-profile-picture
      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      31/05/2016 / 9:35 am

      Thank you so much my darling it honestly means the world?

  12. 30/06/2016 / 5:40 am

    Well done you what an inspiration!

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      01/07/2016 / 4:16 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart it means the world!?