On I have documented quite a lot all about mental health and where I am at currently with my mental health, but I think it is important for people to be able to have a list of things that they could do on days when they are having a bad mental health day.

So what do I mean when I say a bad mental health day? I know when it comes to my mental health, I end up overthinking the things, I become very distant, tired, withdrawn, I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone, I wouldn’t have slept very well and my anxiety will kick in.

On those bad days however, I have some wonderful people around me who are my reason for battling through those bad days and working towards those days where I want to be able to smile more than my cheeks understand possible.

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To Those Who Are Struggling,

When someone asks me to describe depression it’s easier to use a metaphor. To Stephen Fry, depression is a black dog which follows him from room to room. To me, it’s a dark, storm cloud looming overhead, just waiting to strike. It hails, it pours, it thunders and will do anything to blow you down. Anyone who has been plagued by depression – or anxiety for that matter – knows how inconsolable, how alone and empty you can become.
But you’re not alone. As I am writing this I’m going through one of the worst stages of my life. It’s ridiculous that the stigma and stereotype of my illness has forced me to become incredibly self conscious, embarrassed even, to say that I suffer from depression. There I said it. I suffer from depression. To add, I also have severe social anxiety. In fact, for the full blown confession, I am housebound. I don’t leave the house apart from the odd GP appointment or shopping trip. For someone who used to work in the media, for someone who was lively, confident and outgoing, it feels like I’ve been replaced by my polar opposite. This illness has taken chunks out of me, it’s taken parts of my personality that I’m so desperate to reclaim.
Its like I’m a prisoner of my own mind (does that even make sense?) Everyday I’m battling through, trying to keep my head above water. Yes, I do sound like a lost cause, but every day I’m getting there. I’m slowly getting better. I just want you to know that, if you’re struggling too, this is not it for you. This is just a rocky time, a blip, a hiccup, whatever you want to call it – but you will get through it, I promise.

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My Anxiety

Ever since August 2012 I have struggled with anxiety, depression and agoraphobia, and for various different reasons which go way back to when I was a lot younger that I never told anyone, and it all hit me at once, the only thing I can compare it to is when you constantly put away your clothes in your wardrobe, you force to door shut because you don’t want everything falling out and the moment when you think you’re safe everything in your wardrobe falls out. That is basically what happened to me, I hid everything away for so long and all of a sudden it catches up with me.

When My Anxiety Arises

There can be lots of different situations that can cause my anxiety to rise, for example being in crowded places. I am usually really good when I’m with someone like my husband, my in laws, my parents, however I struggle with going a long distance on my own, which is increasingly difficult because I get extremely frustrated that I can’t be the way I was around 3 years ago, to be able to go out, walk down the town or go a long distance on my own. Other situations can be when people make jokes about anxiety and that it’s easy, you just need to calm down, it’s ridiculously annoying when people say, just calm down, it’s not a big thing, but the thing is if I get myself into a position where I’m agitated, my uncomfortable, my heart rate is high and I am getting close to the point where I’m hyperventilating then calming down isn’t as smile as it is to say.

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