I have regularly talked about my anxiety, how I have struggled with it, but also what I’ve done to allow myself to move forward with my life and hopefully get to a point where I don’t need medication any more. Even though I am slowly coming off my medication, there are still quite a few thoughts that go through my brain. I do have coping mechanisms but you can’t control what thoughts you have, and sometimes they just get the better of you, and that is okay, but know what is true and what isn’t. So what are the things that go through my brain on a regular basis! This is going to be a very personal post for me, so I hope you enjoy it!
Honestly coming off medication has to be one of the most scary things in the world, especially when I have been on them for almost 3 if not 4 years. As most people will know I have suffered from anxiety, depression and agoraphobia for a long time now, but in the last year or so, I have been in a really good place, I’m working really hard to battle my mental health and try to get my life back.
I have been ready for a while and when I spoke to my doctor, he agreed that if I was ready and because of the incredible progress that I’ve made over the last year or so, guess who is cutting down their tablets? It literally feels like I’m walking into the unknown knowing I’m coming off my medication. It’s like I’m in a room with the lights on, and taking at step forward and the lights just go off, no one is home.
On thecurvaceousvegan.com I have documented quite a lot all about mental health and where I am at currently with my mental health, but I think it is important for people to be able to have a list of things that they could do on days when they are having a bad mental health day.
So what do I mean when I say a bad mental health day? I know when it comes to my mental health, I end up overthinking the things, I become very distant, tired, withdrawn, I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone, I wouldn’t have slept very well and my anxiety will kick in.
On those bad days however, I have some wonderful people around me who are my reason for battling through those bad days and working towards those days where I want to be able to smile more than my cheeks understand possible.
Ever since August 2012 I have struggled with anxiety, depression and agoraphobia, and for various different reasons which go way back to when I was a lot younger that I never told anyone, and it all hit me at once, the only thing I can compare it to is when you constantly put away your clothes in your wardrobe, you force to door shut because you don’t want everything falling out and the moment when you think you’re safe everything in your wardrobe falls out. That is basically what happened to me, I hid everything away for so long and all of a sudden it catches up with me.
When My Anxiety Arises
There can be lots of different situations that can cause my anxiety to rise, for example being in crowded places. I am usually really good when I’m with someone like my husband, my in laws, my parents, however I struggle with going a long distance on my own, which is increasingly difficult because I get extremely frustrated that I can’t be the way I was around 3 years ago, to be able to go out, walk down the town or go a long distance on my own. Other situations can be when people make jokes about anxiety and that it’s easy, you just need to calm down, it’s ridiculously annoying when people say, just calm down, it’s not a big thing, but the thing is if I get myself into a position where I’m agitated, my uncomfortable, my heart rate is high and I am getting close to the point where I’m hyperventilating then calming down isn’t as smile as it is to say.
This post is about how difficult it is coping with the memories of flashbacks, this is one of the most difficult things you will have to deal with, when you’re going through anxiety and depression, you can get those flashbacks that were horrible memories for you, mine was the abuse I suffered and what was said to me, the other was remembering what I was like that time a year ago, I would look back and remember what it was like to keep smiling and laughing and being able to walk out the front door on my own without having someone next to me, being able to enjoy the fresh air and just be able to do the normal things that everyone takes for granted. The thing is though, I’m still going through it, which is what is so hard, but I have a few ways of working through it!