My Anxiety

Ever since August 2012 I have struggled with anxiety, depression and agoraphobia, and for various different reasons which go way back to when I was a lot younger that I never told anyone, and it all hit me at once, the only thing I can compare it to is when you constantly put away your clothes in your wardrobe, you force to door shut because you don’t want everything falling out and the moment when you think you’re safe everything in your wardrobe falls out. That is basically what happened to me, I hid everything away for so long and all of a sudden it catches up with me.

When My Anxiety Arises

There can be lots of different situations that can cause my anxiety to rise, for example being in crowded places. I am usually really good when I’m with someone like my husband, my in laws, my parents, however I struggle with going a long distance on my own, which is increasingly difficult because I get extremely frustrated that I can’t be the way I was around 3 years ago, to be able to go out, walk down the town or go a long distance on my own. Other situations can be when people make jokes about anxiety and that it’s easy, you just need to calm down, it’s ridiculously annoying when people say, just calm down, it’s not a big thing, but the thing is if I get myself into a position where I’m agitated, my uncomfortable, my heart rate is high and I am getting close to the point where I’m hyperventilating then calming down isn’t as smile as it is to say.

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This post is about how difficult it is coping with the memories of flashbacks, this is one of the most difficult things you will have to deal with, when you’re going through anxiety and depression, you can get those flashbacks that were horrible memories for you, mine was the abuse I suffered and what was said to me, the other was remembering what I was like that time a year ago, I would look back and remember what it was like to keep smiling and laughing and being able to walk out the front door on my own without having someone next to me, being able to enjoy the fresh air and just be able to do the normal things that everyone takes for granted. The thing is though, I’m still going through it, which is what is so hard, but I have a few ways of working through it!

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