Things That I'm Thankful For

Recently I had a few dark days, mainly because I had a lot going on in my life, which has been so difficult for me, however, I thought after a rough few days, I would do a post about things I am thankful for just to remind me that through it all, I have so much around me that will help me through it all. When you’re going through a rough time, you realise the people that you can rely on and the people that will never give up on you because I think that is when people show their true colours, or at least that is what I have learned.

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Okay so since I got married my body has changed massively, like if you look back at wedding photos, you look at the way the dress fits me, it is completely different! It definitely feels strange when I look back, because even though my wedding day was the best day of my life and always will be besides when I finally have children, I think, how did I manage to let myself get that way? How did I manage to abuse my body like that? I know a lot of it was to do with medication, not working out, not eating the right things, comfort eating, all of those things to be honest, but I realise that now, but I wish I had woken up sooner.

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Happiness is something that I treasure the most, especially after everything that has happened with my mental health, but also throughout my life in general, but honestly I feel like I am finally getting somewhere, I am focusing more on the happy life because in all honesty everyone deserves some sort of happiness right? I mean honestly it has been a long old road to happiness, especially with all of the negativity that I have received in terms of my weight and the way I look, calling me all of the names under the sun which is one of the most heart breaking things but do you know what I’ve learned that my happiness is more important than anything.

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There have been many epic love stories, however, in my own personal opinion, nothing compares to the epic love story that I happen to call my world. I’m not saying that it is an easy ride, it’s not filled with times where I just want some peace, but what I am saying is it is worth everything in my world. 5 years ago today my wonderful husband took me to the cinema, I had so many butterflies in my stomach, I was absolutely terrified to the point it got to 1:30pm and I wanted to cancel I was so nervous. Anyway, I finally left the house, met him at the park getting ready to walk to the train station, I literally had my head in my phone and tried to pretend that I wasn’t there or I wasn’t secretly looking out for him. Not so romantic, but honestly I couldn’t stop talking, seriously, I  wouldn’t stop it was like word vomit, when I tried to think about what I was saying I just kept talking and talking.

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Depression Awareness Week - My Story

I have been very open about my mental health, however, I have very rarely opened up about my depression. I guess the problem I find with depression is as soon as you say that word, it is like you have that stigma related towards that word wrapped around your neck, and you feel like everyone knows what you’re going through. I think the most difficult thing is, from my personal experience unless you’ve been there, it can be very difficult to understand what you’re going through and what you could feel on a daily basis. It has been almost 4 years since my depression diagnosis and I am still coming to terms with what depression means and how to deal with it today. I honestly think that depression awareness week is a fantastic way for people to be able to understand more about what having depression means but also how to help others to feel more comfortable to be able to speak out! I have however spoken about my self harm story before here, a bit about depression here and my anxiety [1] [2].

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Spending time together is something that Paul and I do on a regular basis or at least try to, because in all honesty being able to spend time together as a couple is incredibly important. Not least because it keeps our relationship going strong, and being able to spend time with your best friend is one of the best things in the world. So on Saturday night we decided to have a game night, now usually we don’t do that because I’m fiercely competitive and it usually ends with met getting really grumpy (not intentionally but I like competition and winning) but we fancied it and gave it a go!

I have loved board games since I was a kid, mostly because I like a good laugh with the people around me, and when Paul and I play board games, it can be really hilarious to be honest, we have a good laugh and a joke, a glass of wine and some chill time!

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my struggle with body dismorphia

When it comes to healthy living and weight loss, I have always been honest about how hard I have worked and how difficult it is (trust me it isn’t a walk in the park when it comes to losing weight) however one thing I haven’t talked about is me getting used to how much my body has changed and how I deal with it mentally. When it comes to the way I view my body, all through my teens I had a lot of negative body image because there was the idea of “the perfect” body, and I was always curvy, I would have lumps and bumps in all the wrong places so I would have a lot of negativity when it comes to the way I view my body. I decided that I would talk all about how I have struggled to this day with body dismorphia.

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