The Age Old Question – When Will We Have Children?

A slightly different post from me today and a rather personal one from me. With our 3rd wedding anniversary fast approaching – it’s Thursday this week we are preparing to celebrate. We have actually been together almost 7 years and when I say how long we have been together people are like when will you have children? Now Paul and I would love to have children, and one day we will because there is nothing that we both want more than to have children together, however I’m going to explain.

Now we are struggling to move out, it is incredibly expensive in the South East, I mean it would be a dream if we could move out however we are super lucky that we have a whole level of my mum’s house to ourselves.

I know for a fact that my Mum wants a grandchild, I mean I’m not even pregnant yet and she wants one.

We want to wait a few more years though, with my mental health it has improved so much, and I’m honest amazed at how far I’ve come. I’m off medication, I don’t go to therapy anymore and I go out quite freely on my own, which I never would have done about 2 and a half years ago.

Paul and I love being together, our marriage is so strong and we are so happy together, and honestly being a parent would absolutely complete us. I don’t think I have ever met someone who is so much like me yet so different. I know that sounds odd ,however we are literally like 2 peas in a pod, we are so alike it hurts and not only that we have the most ridiculous sense of humour.

When people ask us that question though and I give them a response of we are waiting a bit longer, they look surprised. I mean we would have children tomorrow if it was possible but we also have to think of what a child brings, they cost money and we want to make sure we can afford it. We both feel emotionally ready to have children, it is a conversation that we have had quite a lot, unfortunately moving out has to be a priority right now. Once we have done that and we are settled then it’s babies maybe?

We are only 24 and 26, my parents didn’t have me till they were 27, it will happen.

Have you ever been asked this question about when you’re going to have children or get married? Let me know in the comments!

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26 Comments

  1. Lulu Digital
    11/12/2017 / 8:59 am

    We were asked many times. When we reply we don’t want to have any, people are shocked, and then, they tell us we will change our minds, that we will have them… all in the same breathes as complaining to us about their own kids, and how they affect their lives, their freedoms & budget, how they can be so ungrateful of kids, and all that nonsense…
    I hate the societal pressure and preoccupation about one another’s reproduction. I hate even more so when supposed friends who should know better about your choices and reasons (mine, ours that is, not yours, as you do want them later on, and that’s okay), and still not only ask over and over again, but also try to put pressure and shame that you didn’t have a relationship outside of the goal of babymaking.
    And for those who said it just at the same breathes as complaints about their own : I’d like to know why they want us to be as miserable as them?! (not a real question). It’s mean to wish that on anyone.
    Our reasons are ours, and I had to cut ties with a lot of those people who used to ask that, not out of curiosity but out of malice. I think society puts way too much pressures about all this, that I’ll blog about it, been meaning to for a long while now.

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      11/12/2017 / 7:23 pm

      There is so much pressure on people, but we are definitely doing what is best for us and everyone makes their own choices in life! xxxx

  2. 11/12/2017 / 9:08 am

    Ahh this question is such a pet hate of mine, and I have had it SO much as a 28 year old married for nearly 4 years.

    I wrote a little (slightly ranty) blog post about my thoughts on this if you fancy a nosy – http://abirichards.com/2017/10/23/behind-closed-doors/

    I am just so aware that you don’t know what others are going through, so people have no right to put you in the position to have to answer the question.

    Good luck for when you are ready 🙂

    Abi xx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      11/12/2017 / 7:25 pm

      Oooh I’ll definitely have a read my lovely! Exactly I think people need to understand that everyone makes their own decisions and when we are ready we will have them, and if other people don’t want kids, that is also okay too! It’s a personal decision between a couple! xxxx

  3. WhatLydDid
    11/12/2017 / 4:21 pm

    You’re doing a very sensible thing! Of course, other couples do things their way, and that’s fine, but I think it’s really good for you to spend time enjoying your freedom and being a couple while you prepare emotionally and financially xx

    Lyd, whatlyddid com

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      11/12/2017 / 7:27 pm

      Thank you lovely! I respect anyone for whatever decision they make as it is completely personal, we also just wanted to enjoy our marriage more. Even though we have been together a long time, that newlywed time you never get back and we wanted to do what was best for us! xxxx

  4. Amber
    11/12/2017 / 4:58 pm

    OH MY GOD this questions does my head in! Like it’s nobody’s bloody business what other people are doing with their lives/reproductive organs. People are also so hypocritical – they’ll ask 24 year olds like you why you haven’t had babies yet, and in the same breath they will demonize a single mother who is also 24 and struggling and say she shouldn’t have had a child if she couldn’t cope! You just can’t win 🙁

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      11/12/2017 / 7:29 pm

      Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs anyone will ever do, and people need to understand that not everything is black and white, and it is 100% between the people who created the baby, no more. I applaud any parent who manages to juggle so much and give time for their children. They’re absolute superheroes! xxxx

  5. 11/12/2017 / 7:42 pm

    I absolutely hated this question second to “So when’s the wedding?”. I don’t understand why people have to be so personal and sometimes it’s people that barely know you which I think is so thoughtless especially when it comes to if someone has fertility problems. You do you babe. If you have kids, great. If you don’t, great! Just do what you both want xx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 4:58 pm

      I know, it can be so insensitive for some people, we just want to wait for a while that is all! Every situation is different though! xxxxx

  6. 11/12/2017 / 9:45 pm

    Time you are so brave to share this, and you have all the time in the world! It takes more strength to wait til you are ready than cave into what people expect from you! Also, it’s not of their business!!!

    http://fashionforlunch.net

    x

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 4:59 pm

      We will have kids eventually, it’s just going to be on our terms when we decide to try! xxxx

  7. Megan McCoig
    11/12/2017 / 9:52 pm

    You’re being very sensible and so happy you aren’t one to be put under pressure. These things happen at the right time when it’s best for the both of you! Xxx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 5:00 pm

      Definitely, we aren’t trying yet, but we will when we are 100% settled. We are ready but it’s more about being settled xxxxx

  8. 12/12/2017 / 1:52 pm

    This was a fantastic post to read and very well presented! I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years and people keep asking us when we’re having children constantly and I just want to scream at then to eff off! 😂 It’s great to see that you’re being sensible about your choice! You’ve got plenty of time! xxxx

    Holly Stockport | Author | YouTuber | Blogger

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 5:01 pm

      Definitely, we are happy, we love each other more than anything, the only thing that stops us is the fact we need to move out. We will have children when we are 100% settled xxxxx

  9. 12/12/2017 / 2:06 pm

    I hate that question we used to get it a lot. We still get it occasionally and I’m expecting it at Christmas I think it’s partially because me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 years so we often get both when’s the wedding? And when are you having children? Truth is we’ve decided we don’t want them but we usually get the, oh you’ll change your mind!
    Good for you two doing what’s right for you both! Hopefully you’ll get moved out and set up home perfectly first. 🙂
    xx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 5:07 pm

      Thank you so much lovely! Every relationship is different, and I’m 100% appreciative of that! I think the questions can be hard to respond to because we do want children and to get people to understand how difficult it is to move out right now and buy a house is hard! It will happen, but I’m still only 24! xxxxx

  10. 12/12/2017 / 2:30 pm

    It really annoys me when people ask this! It maybe your own choice due to circumstances like yours (which are completely and utterly understandable, I’d be the same) or maybe someone isn’t planning children because they can’t, or just don’t want to.
    When I was with my ex partner all we kept getting told was “oh you’ve been together for so many years, maybe it’s time for the next step” but we literally could not afford to live together let alone anything else.

    It feels like such a prying question and it should only be a question you ask each other!
    Either way, you know what you want and you’ll get there! Such a lovely and honest post! ♥️
    Emily-May xx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      12/12/2017 / 5:10 pm

      Thank you so much angel! It means a lot! It’s nice to know that so many people not only understand but in a lot of ways can relate to the situation that we find ourselves in. I think it is important for people to understand that everyone’s situation is different and remember that those kinds of questions for some people could be hurtful, I’m okay with it, but some people might not be! xxxxx

  11. 14/12/2017 / 6:17 pm

    It’s amazing to me that anyone thinks it is okay to ask a couple when they’re going to have kids – married or not. That was the question on everybody’s lips when my husband and I got married earlier this year. And it really hurts, as we’ve been trying for three years and haven’t been able to get pregnant. Only our close friends know that, and I know that people don’t mean any harm by asking us when we’ll have kids but it hurts every time. People shouldn’t ask and should just let relationships and life unfold as they will!

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      27/12/2017 / 11:19 am

      Oh darling I’m so sorry, children will come angel! I think people need to be respectful that sometimes people don’t have an easy time conceiving, however I think timing can be everything. Sending you lots of love and always here if you need a chat! xxxx

  12. Anonymous
    14/12/2017 / 8:38 pm

    We’ve been married for ten years now and I’m frequently asked when we will have children, and being told that I’ll make a great mum. It bugs me as we’re undecided about children at this point, neither of us fancy the idea of a baby and have talked about adoption, but this is something two other people know about. One couple coz they told us they were unable to have children and had thought about adoption themselves. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be asked this question if you really wanted a baby but could not conceive. You (not you personally, the generic ‘you’) have literally no idea what is happening in a couple’s relationship, I don’t mind being asked if I have children by someone knew but to frequently be asked when we’re having children (like every female automatically plans to have children) just gets annoying. If it were my close friends I’d say something, but when it’s work colleagues it’s a bit more awkward.

    I totally get waiting till the right time to have chirldren, it’s no one else’s business when you plan you have children

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      27/12/2017 / 11:23 am

      Oh darling it’s all about what you two want, and something that I’ve definitely noticed is we are not alone, it’s about what the couple want. When you’re both ready and want it, even if you don’t, it’s a decision for both of you! xxxx

  13. 15/01/2018 / 8:20 pm

    I have the when is he going to pop the question, question now that we have had a baby. So much pressure on James especially when we just are enjoying being a new family . Great post love xx

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      17/01/2018 / 9:04 am

      It is so annoying isn’t it?! You have a beautiful baby, that is your main focus right now, and you should be able to enjoy your beautiful bundle of joy! Enjoy your family, enjoy your life, when you’re both ready you will get engaged, right now it’s all about baby! xxxx

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