I’m Scared

Now a lot of people will see on social media that I am this bubbly person, but in reality, I’m honestly deep down so scared. Blogging has always been a step into the unknown for me, I mean little did I know 2 years ago that this blog would be such a massive part of my life, but I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like change. I get very scared of a lot of things, especially when it comes to my comfort zone, because of a lot of my life lessons in general.

I’m the kind of person that puts up a lot of walls mainly because I am so terrified of being hurt and because of the things I’ve been through. I don’t talk about the things that I’ve been through mainly because I’m not ready, I have a lot of emotional scars and a lot of it has to do with wanting to protect the family that I love more than anything.

Sometimes you just need to put yourself out there and when it comes to my anxiety I honestly feel like it holds me back even more which is slightly annoying because sometimes I sit there and think, what are you doing? Why can’t you just push yourself and do what you need to do?

I’m scared.

I’m scared of letting anyone too close to hurt me.

I’m scared of losing the people that I love the most.

I’m one of those people that are scared to be happy too, because I sit there thinking am I allowed to be happy? With depression I always feel like is it okay to be happy? Sometimes I feel like it’s not right or something.

I think sometimes my anxiety can make me a little prickly or maybe unapproachable in social situations, it just takes time to take those walls down a bit.

My defence mechanism is normally my sarcasm. I try not to be too sarcastic on Twitter mainly because it normally comes across wrong every time.

I am working on taking those walls down, giving people a chance, getting to know them before making a snap decision on people and just trying to be a more open person.

Believe that you can do whatever you want, yes it’s scary, but you are never alone, you can do whatever you put your mind to. Have courage in yourself.

It’s okay to be scared. Being scared means you’re about to do something really, really brave. – Mandy Hale

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4 Comments

  1. 17/05/2017 / 12:29 pm

    You’re not alone, lovely! My anxiety makes me disproportionately scared of changes to my routine, and it is so frustrating to feel like it’s holding me back in life. Try your best to be compassionate to yourself and celebrate the small things you manage to do.

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      20/05/2017 / 6:03 pm

      I’m the same, honestly feel like so much holds me back and that hurts so much. I’m trying to give myself a break a bit and understand that not everything has to be done straight away! xxxx

  2. denajayne
    18/05/2017 / 11:20 am

    As long as you know your not alone lovely! You know your Squad is always here for you!
    Dena | Dena Jayne | Bloglovin xo

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      20/05/2017 / 6:04 pm

      Thank you lovely it means a lot! xxxxx

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