My Struggle With Body Dysmorphia

my struggle with body dismorphia

When it comes to healthy living and weight loss, I have always been honest about how hard I have worked and how difficult it is (trust me it isn’t a walk in the park when it comes to losing weight) however one thing I haven’t talked about is me getting used to how much my body has changed and how I deal with it mentally. When it comes to the way I view my body, all through my teens I had a lot of negative body image because there was the idea of “the perfect” body, and I was always curvy, I would have lumps and bumps in all the wrong places so I would have a lot of negativity when it comes to the way I view my body. I decided that I would talk all about how I have struggled to this day with body dismorphia.

My Weight Loss

I have tried to document my weight loss as much as I physically can and be as open with you as I can be,  one thing I do know my weight loss has given me so much, and I can’t believe how far that I’ve come, it’s been a tough journey. As someone who has gone down 9 dress sizes I feel sometimes, regardless of how much of a difference I see in the mirror, how much people might tell me that I’ve lost so much weight, sometimes I feel like the same person who started her journey. To give you a quick catch up, this is one of my before and after photos below.

weight loss

On the left was me before I started losing weight and the photo on the right is a photo that I took a few weeks ago. I know they are completely different angles, however, you can see a noticeable difference in my face and everything just in general! If you missed my posts about my weight loss and my journey, then please check out these posts. [1] [2] [3

The Belief

I would say that I’ve had body dysmorphia for a while in all honesty, probably dating back to when I was at school, I would look at my legs and say that they were way too big which made me look shorter and fatter. I thought that my stomach was out of proportion with everything, I felt like I had a giant pot belly and I looked about 9 months pregnant. When I look back though, I know that all of those things were completely wrong, it was all in my head.

I would have photos taken from different angles, and some of them would be okay and good and I would be okay with it, but others, would literally reinforce my thought process that I was bigger than I thought I was.

The Current Struggle

IWhat I am currently struggling with is where I have lost so much weight, and I might not feel as much change as I would like, I feel like I am going backwards. Not only that I have some lose skin around my stomach and my arms, I am toning and I have got rid of a lot of it, however when to wearing certain clothes they do make me feel a lot bigger, and that is a struggle that I feel constantly. For example the other day I tried on a dress, just in a regular shop, it was in my size I put it on, and in that one moment, I felt like all those 9 dress sizes had been put back on. I was trying so hard not to break down and cry, I knew I had worked so hard with my fitness regime, but I felt like I hadn’t achieved anything just by wearing that dress.

How I Moved Forward

It isn’t as easily said than done with body dysmorphia, I have had therapy for it too which did help me, however, now that I am not in therapy, there are certain things that have helped me. I’ve previously talked about self confidence, and how to improve your self confidence this year and that has all of my tips on it to help you to improve the way that you look at yourself! Link here. When I wrote that post self confidence I was in an incredible place with the way that I looked, and since my mental health went down hill, so has the love that I have for myself!

What are some of the things that you do to make sure that you’re loving your body? Leave your tips in the comments!

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16 Comments

  1. 07/03/2016 / 9:48 am

    Firstly, well done you for losing so much weight! I have recently put myself on a wedding diet and lost a stone and I am just getting used to being the size I want to be again. I wasn’t overweight, but I look back on pictures of myself and think how big I look! But I remind myself that that was then and this is now. Each day is a new one and a chance to focus on the positives. So don’t forget how far you’ve come and if you have a bad day, put it behind you and focus on how well you’ve done to get where you are! If you can do that, you can do anything.
    JH | http://www.hellojenniferhelen.com

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      07/03/2016 / 10:04 am

      Thank you so much Jennifer, it honestly means the world, I’m taking it one day at a time and just pacing myself. On my bad days I take a step back and I’m honest with myself about my journey! ?

  2. 07/03/2016 / 2:44 pm

    You go girl! At the end of the day you just need to be comfortable with yourself it doesn’t matter what anyone else says. Your a lovely girl inside and out.

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      07/03/2016 / 3:55 pm

      Thank you so much Lauren, it honestly means the entire world to me!?

  3. 07/03/2016 / 3:11 pm

    What a wonderfully honest post! I wish I could be as open as you about my own body dysmorphia, major props to you for being able to do that 🙂 self-confidence is such a hard one but one thing I always do when I’m feeling down is try to remember (and reinforce) this quote: “Imagine you don’t need to apologise for yourself, imagine that! … Imagine getting up in the morning and just putting on your clothes without having to think about it, whether they make you look one way or another…because you know that your place in the world is insured. You’re allowed to be whatever you want or need to be. And you’re welcome like that.” Emma Thompson.

    That quote gives me such confidence 🙂 x

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      07/03/2016 / 4:00 pm

      I totally agree, I’ve always talked about self confidence, and I totally agree with getting up in the morning and not thinking about it, it would honestly be a dream come true right? Oh my gosh thank you so much for that quote, I think I will definitely remember that one, it has given me such strength. No words can tell you how grateful I am right now?

  4. 07/03/2016 / 8:45 pm

    While I’ve struggled with my body image like any girl, I can’t say I’ve ever struggled with body dysmorphia, but even though I can’t relate, I just want to let you know that you’re doing amazingly. We’re so good at focussing in on our negative features, and forgetting about all of the positive ones that outweigh them. Don’t ever forget how far you’ve come <3 x

    Martha Jane | http://www.marthajanemusic.com PS. Enter my giveaway to win a MAC lipstick!

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      08/03/2016 / 12:02 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart, it honestly means the entire world to me!?

  5. 07/03/2016 / 9:39 pm

    You should be proud of your journey and the effort it took to get there. I get what you mean, sometimes I still feel like the uncool girl with braces and a crappy haircut even though I’m really not her any more! x

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      08/03/2016 / 12:06 pm

      I totally agree, it’s so tough darling, but you’re not, you’re beautiful in every way shape and form!?

  6. 08/03/2016 / 8:33 am

    The way we see ourselves, compared to what others see is a struggle for so many of us lovely. This is a really brave post- thank you for writing it because it will help a lot of people who think that they are struggling with their own body dismorphia alone. I am 34 and have finally accepted my body as it is- soft and round and that’s OK X

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      08/03/2016 / 12:08 pm

      Thank you so much sweetheart, it means the world, it is one of those daily struggles, so I’m taking it one day at a time!?

  7. 08/03/2016 / 11:41 am

    Wow well done on losing so much weight! You look amazing now. You’ve done so well. I think you’re going to be my role model as I’m desperate to drop a few dress sizes. But finding the motivation is so hard. Some days though I just lie awake thinking how much I hate my body, how I look like a beached whale etc etc. So I think I understand what you’re saying here. And it doesn’t matter what others say, really. It’s our beliefs about ourselves that haunt us! But honestly, you’ve done so well! x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      08/03/2016 / 12:09 pm

      Oh my gosh I’m crying! I’ve never been anyone’s role model! Honestly it is ridiculously hard, there will be days where you really don’t want to work out, but honestly, it is so worth it, and you need to do it, you just keep going! You’re not a beached whale darling, you’re beautiful, if you want to start a healthier lifestyle, there are lots of tips all around my blog, and if there is anything I can do to help please do let me know!?

  8. 08/03/2016 / 8:14 pm

    This was an interesting and inspiring post to read, well done for everything you have achieved. You are absolutely beautiful and I hope one day you are able to look at yourself and know that! Sending love your way x

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      amiecadwallader@outlook.com
      09/03/2016 / 9:59 am

      Oh my gosh thank you so much sweetheart, it honestly means the entire world to me! I’m taking it one day at a time so hopefully I can look in the mirror and love myself!?