So yesterday I was going through my childhood bedroom and found so much stuff that I thought I had thrown away. As most people will know, I didn’t exactly have the best start, wit the emotional abuse that I suffered, but I think it made me a stronger person, it happened for a reason, and I am a firm believer in the saying everything happens for a reason, and this happened to challenge me as a person.
When I first went in there the other day, I stood at the door and so many flashbacks of everything that happened went through my mind, it felt so raw, and it completely winded me, I felt like I was in a dream, like it wasn’t real.
15 year old me
15 year old me! (P.S That isn’t an engagement ring it’s on the other hand)
I found some really old photos of various memories, fabulous times with my friends, days out, me with my ex partner and photos with my ex step dad. I guess it has taken me so long for me to address the memories and what I know is in that bedroom, if I was able to lock the door and throw away the key, then I probably would have done, it would have been much easier than addressing it, but it’s been too long and it is time to get it sorted.
I am at that point in my life where I am the happiest I have ever been, I have the most amazing husband who has never let me go, I have the most amazing family, my best friend, her partner and god daughter, and all of my other friends from school who understand what I have been going through and they are so understanding. I have no idea what I did to get such fabulous friends, but I will be forever grateful.
When I found the photos of me and my ex stepdad I decided that it would be a good idea to burn them, I know that might sound a little bit extreme, but hear me out, after all of that time and unhappiness I need to burn those photos to completely get rid of them, to show that the negativity which was generated from that time was leaving.
I realised that I don”t need that kind of negativity in my life, I don’t need that constant reminder of what I went through for 13 years. I might not ever get over the hurt or the memories that are triggered from those 13 years, but I have the greatest motivation for moving forward with my life, it has changed so much over the last few years and I need to do this not only for me, but for my future.
What i would tell 15 year old me
- Stand up for yourself, don’t argue but don’t let anyone walk all over you, you’re an incredible person and you can’t be a doormat all of your life, you are worth more than that. The right people will stay in your life, don’t fight for someone who wouldn’t fight to keep you in their life.
- Listen to your friends, my friends looked out for me through everything, especially when it came to my ex stepdad, they went to the deputy head teacher to keep me safe and I am honestly so grateful that they did, I didn’t realise that they were doing everything that they could to make sure I was okay. I know I was angry at the time because I didn’t want to hurt my mum, but it was a huge turning point for me and my family.
- Stay strong, focus on your happiness, you haven’t done anything wrong, everything will be okay, it gets better I promise.
- Laugh often, smile always, enjoy laugh, don’t forget the small things and make the most of every day.
I can’t go back in time, but I can create the most amazing future.